A Lonely Chapter

Everyone talks about how there comes a moment in life when you begin to outgrow your previous self. It’s a strange feeling. One that should feel liberating but can be lonely at times. I’ve had glimpses of this before, but never as intensely as I have in the past few weeks.

Thinking back, the first time I really felt it was my freshman year of college. It was a period of transition, a time when I began spending more time alone. I was still shy, trying to push myself to make new friends, to find a group where I belonged. I joined the ultimate frisbee team, then tried to reach out to the paintball team. I struck up conversations with classmates, played volleyball with my roommate, and made an effort. But nothing ever truly clicked. I wasn’t sad but I wasn’t happy. I was content.

In the absence of deep friendships, I turned to other pursuits. I spent a good amount of time online, crypto was getting big and all I could think about was money. Some friends and I were able to flip an NFT for a small profit. I built a TikTok account to 35,000 followers. I learned and explored some of my curiosities. Yet, despite a few small victories, there was an undeniable void.

Sophomore year brought a new school into the picture, but not much changed. I attended Blinn, a school that felt more like a high school than anything else. People kept to themselves, focused on grades and transferring to A&M. That was my goal too, but the lack of connection made the year feel like a waiting room. My roommate and I never really clicked, and my days passed in a quiet routine of school, studying, and solitude. The weekends were a nice break; I played basketball with friends and hung out, enjoying the brief sense of connection before Monday rolled around again.

Junior year was better. I moved in with my friends for the first time, sharing a space filled with laughter, late-night conversations, and things were going well. I was balancing school, searching for an internship, and enjoying the moments that made college life feel real. For a while, it felt like I had finally found my rhythm.

But then came this past year. And with it, the realization that I was growing out of school, out of the life I had built, and maybe even out of some of my friendships. My values have shifted. My interests have changed just like my friends have too. It’s not so much about them being different or distant as it is about me becoming someone new I think.

There’s a loneliness in this, one I know I will experience time and time again and maybe that’s the nature of growth. Sometimes, you have to let go of the familiar to make space for what’s next.

This transition has made me think a lot about the difference between healthy growth and unhealthy disconnection. We are social creatures, and while growing apart from people is natural, isolation isn’t always the answer. I’ve been leaning towards more autonomy rather than connection lately, and I’m starting to question whether that’s the path for me right now. There’s comfort in working alone, but there’s also a risk of losing touch with the people who bring meaning to life.

Building a new social circle that aligns with my evolving values is something I know I need to do. The challenge is figuring out where to start. Making the decision to be alone and work is a trade-off. It can be good or bad. There’s no solution, only trade-offs. And right now, I’m in the middle of figuring out what I’m willing to give up—and what’s truly worth holding onto.

All this to say, I love life and am very grateful for all the goodness I do have in it. Wishing you all some peace and purpose!